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Fighting Fears of Failing

I am not sure why I am second guessing myself, I've actually felt really good on my last two runs. Last night I did a couple miles and then tonight I got in 4 miles. I could have gone longer both nights but time constraints and responsibilities kept tugging me off the treadmill.

My first full marathon was horrible and I really don't want a repeat of it at this year's marathon (or two -- yup, pretty sure I'm doing two of 'em this fall). I just dread the long run. Especially right now since I am limited to just the treadmill. And then of course this week I only ended up with 15 miles in all. And next week's schedule looks crammed full already. But- I have to get at least a 10 miler in on Tuesday or Wednesday since I have a half coming up on July 14.

I'm determined to do that 10-12 miles one of those days even if I have to break it up and do 3 4-milers or whatever. I've even thought about just jumping on and off the treadmill and seeing how many miles I could get in a day - just for fun! I still might do that; but whatever I do I have to get some miles in or my head is really going to throw doubts at me. I'll have to taper off a little the next week to rest up for the half, I'm okay with that. One thing I have learned is that rest is highly underrated (but don't tell anyone I told you that - I'll deny it!)

Four weeks into full marathon training and I've already ditched the plan. I never was good at sticking with too many rules to begin with. It's really OCD that I have to blame that on - it sounds funny to you maybe but when my plan says to run an hour - or assigns me 4 or 5 miles and I can't do it that day for whatever reason - it drives me crazy. I know it's not like it's flexible and I could adjust the plan to fit better inside the other responsibilities I have to fulfill...but it just makes me on edge and goofy. So I have ditched it and am just pressing forward into the fifth week of marathon training.

On another note - I'm feeling pretty good these days. I haven't been real good, but I haven't been real bad either. Just been taking in a little more salt than I should have; but I did another toss everything out again today and I'm back on track. My blood pressure has been inching up so I want to get it right back down. It's not high - just higher than it was running. That's one thing that has to be kept under control.

I've also decided to write an eBook about my journey - running with a chronic condition. The outline is together and that's the first hard part. The second hard part is getting started. Once you get started it falls into place....maybe this week.

So I'm back on the wagon again and ready to rock this thing! I'm pressing onward and taking one step at a time because every step is a victory and I'm still moving!
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