My weights and other exercise equipment (yes, there's more in my room!) are going to be my new best friend and running buddy. How do I know? I'm dedicated to the journey. Change is not the easiest thing for me because in general I am a very structured person. Most of my life I could organize things like I like them and then leave them there for...well, forever. After my doc visits last week I have been put in a position to really do some soul searching once again and determine what I want as a runner, an athlete and just as a person in general. I have found some major change is necessary. What sounds simple is very difficult for a Type A like me. So far my blood pressure has been good - a little on the high side of normal but not bad. And my pulse has been good too. It now runs in the mid 50s. My diet has been totally inside the zone (except for some cake and ice cream yesterday at my sister and mother's birthday party- but those are still low sodium, right?) Seriousl...

Tonight I was supposed to run the first 5K of one summer series I wanted to do. Well I had to opt out and to say I'm frustrated is a huge understatement. I had to go with what I felt was the wisest decision - the one that would be more likely to keep me running for a long time to come. It certainly hasn't been easy but at least I'm still vertical and no one's told me not to run. Here's how it all came down. As you know I've been struggling with running and just kept pushing forward unwilling to accept my diagnosis but trying to make adjustments to allow for it at the same time. Crazy right? Well - this week my charade caught up with me. I decided to go to the doc and tell her that I was trying to deny I had CHF. Basically, I went in and came clean with her and aired out my frustrations with the cardiologist who didn't call me back. Well, I certainly got busted. But it's going to work out for the best if I'm good.  And I plan on being good! My...

Whew! It's been a crazy few days but I think I'm over another major hurdle. I shared last week about my episode and now that's it is behind me and I can think more clearly I think I have come to some conclusions. First, my last 3 runs have been awesome! And I had a great time last night at taekwondo. No chest pains, no dizziness and even though I took it easy I had no difficulties at all. Well, except the fact that this fat old lady got her big toe caught in the pant leg of her uniform and jerked a toe out. Why can't I have normal injuries or at least noble ones? lol I've been spreading out my runs and it seems to be helping. I only run two days in a row. Overall my new strategies seem to be working but it's all new. I'm committed to the journey at this point and determined to be fit in the midst of personal struggles and physical roadblocks. I'm a thinker and a problem solver. Of course this leads to overthinking most of the time. But over the...

What a week this has been! My take-away from the last 7 days is that hindsight is not  20/20. My experiences have fostered more questions than answers this week. First - on a good note- I did pass my testing and am now a purple belt in taekwondo. One more testing period (8-10 weeks) and I'll be an advanced belt! Who thought this fat senior would ever get this far? lol I will have to admit that I had a rough time this week in taekwondo - just didn't feel good. My instructor babysat me though. She kept an eye out for me and kept reminding me to sit out if I didn't feel well. Like I'm going to sit out.  I made it. So I have been doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm taking my medications exactly as prescribed, I don't like that but I'm doing it. I'm taking my blood pressure almost  every day and it's been within the right range - a little at the top of the "okay" range - and I'd like it down a bit more - but not high by any m...

So I had a rough race, who doesn't now and then, right? Not really any big deal in the long run. (pun intended!) But running with a CHF diagnosis hanging over your head can really weight you down. It just makes a rough run more difficult to sort through - especially emotionally. But I'm done whining and griping and kicking myself. It's time to find and fix my mistakes, suck it up and move forward. My emotions have been all over the place and my thoughts went with them. I vacillated from one end of the spectrum to the other. If I couldn't even finish a half in a decent fashion what made me think I had any business training for a full? All the way to But I just did half a marathon - I'm already half way there - pretty or not.  Finally I decided to settle in the middle. I may not be ready for a full today , but I won't let that limit my tomorrow. I got out today for a three mile run and totally enjoyed it except for getting a little hot. There was a day I di...

Well all I can say is half marathon #17 is in the books. It was by far the hardest race I've done and it was a fight between my body and my mind most of the way. The good part about that is that is made this the sweetest half finish line I've ever crossed! My mind is still trying to sort it all out but I feel like there are some things I did wrong and some things I had no control over. The last two weeks have been super stressful for me and even last night was stressful - just can't get a break on that and I guess I gotta figure out a way to handle life's stuff better. I'll work on that. I haven't slept much and kept waking up every hour last night to see what time it was - lol - I will probably never stop doing that. On one hand I feel like I didn't train enough between my last two half marathons. I literally had no long runs, I think I did one 8 miler. I've got to figure out how to make the right adjustments so I can train right, smarter and ...

This weekend I'll be lining up for my 17th half marathon. I'm enjoying that thought because it's not long until I celebrate 20 of these little 13.1 mile runs! You'd think experience would help me settle down to enjoy the journey - but once again I am as nervous as I was my first one. It's only been 6 weeks since I did a half but it feels like forever ago and I haven't had any good long runs since the last half I did but I have run. My lack of running is what is chipping away at my mind and heart. When I first started running 6 years ago I was surprised at how much of it was mental. I really thought you'd just put your shoes on and go for a run. I was shocked when I started having to fight for each race mentally before ever running it physically. I've run enough now to have plenty of ammunition. But the diagnosis of CHF and feeling lousy this week really works against my mind. Last weekend's trip left me exhausted and I have not run since Satu...

This weekend I got a sitter for my son and my daughter and I went to Indianapolis to attend the wedding of a good friend. There were many significant things that happened during this trip. First of all my daughter has just been diagnosed with fatty liver disease and is hoping to reverse it through diet and exercise. We knew we would have to go in and have sit-down meals to get the freshest and healthiest foods possible while on a road trip. We also took a small ice chest with some fresh fruits and veggies. I'm proud to say we did pretty good overall with almost no "cheat" foods whatsoever. We even went grocery shopping the night we got there so we could have a nice stock and not be tempted to eat out. I bought humus and fresh veggies, but I have to give her credit for keeping me on track. The first container was a small one and came with pretzels. She suggested swapping it out for a larger container of humus and buying some fresh veggies to go with it. I did and we we...