Okay so I tested up a belt in taekwondo over the weekend but it brought some emotions with it that caught me off guard. I actually bottomed out after I got home. Of course I was nervous about testing, but I've been told that just shows you care. I did okay and got the new belt....but I got really depressed afterwards. Why? I don't guess I know. The blue belt is the lowest rank of the advanced belts and just one step closer to a black belt. But for some reason instead of encouraging me - I found the opposite to be true. I began to doubt I could get a black belt. Honestly, I just bottomed out. I still have a long ways to go and many things to learn so I have no idea what was eating at me so. I really just felt defeated; with no justification for it. I also keep stalling out on my marathon training but mentally I'm still pursuing it. I know it's going to take longer than it does for most but I am determined to do it right this time. I really think I tried to cram a f...

I've been running but sort of been on a hiatus from racing. It's been a nice break actually but it's been more of a financial decision. But now I'm starting to itch ...ready to get back out there. I was looking at my fall schedule and penciling in some fall races - hoping to get back to a few half marathons this fall. As far as full marathon training, I'm still there mentally, but have a long (very long) way to go physically. I'm hoping for some good half marathons this fall to get my miles back up there so I can slip right into full training. That's the goal anyway. Right now, I've made adjustments and I'm actually doing well - even though I'm not doing a lot of long mile runs. This is very frustrating to me - but life happens. I heard a long time ago that delay is not denial. But I am getting older here.  I'm set my goal now on next year's OKC Memorial Marathon I think. That gives me plenty of halfs between now and then. Now to ge...

The other day my grandson and I took an impromptu tour of a couple of playgrounds close to my apartment. He decided he wanted to run with Gigi.  So we ran! He also got tired and rode on my shoulders for awhile but then was all rested and ready to run again. It was a fun, active evening. Times like those seem like they are so purposeful and meaningful. Unlike many of the training routines athletes cling to. It was so enjoyable to just run with my grandson and have fun without feeling horrible physically. By the time we were headed home he asked me if he could be my running buddy. Of course I told him he could! Who could say no to that face? Here's to many more miles to run! The last few weeks for me have been very discouraging to be honest. (I usually am!) It seems like it's been one thing after another. As most of you know I am a caregiver for my adult son who has a TBI and he suddenly got sick and ended up in the hospital for a few days. Since he is nonverbal I don't l...

Tonight's 3 miles was shorter than I had planned for the day but I got caught up in work... hey, what can I say? I like to eat! However, it was a significant run for me. Here's why.... I have started setting goals for my runs and setting weekly workout goals as well. Plus I also started a "run streak" 5 days ago. I'm planning on seeing how long I can go and for right now I just have to do a mile a day to keep it alive. I'm also allowing myself to walk that mile for now as I gain stamina and momentum. Later on I hope it will become all running - but progress sometimes has to go slow. I'm learning to be okay with that. So tonight's run was day 5 of my running streak and puts me at 10 miles on the streak so far. Secondly, I was finally comfortable enough to run with one of the pre-programmed runs on my TM. I've been hesitant to try it since I've been run/walking it so much. But I chose a slow (yes even for me) pace and a very low incline. I ...

Guess who got in a few outside miles today? I am a very happy camper. I didn't know an aide was coming and she called a little too late to try running outside in the heat (chalk that one up to a lesson learned!) so I hopped on my bike for a few. It was wonderful! I have started over again this week. Last week was full of mess-ups and failures. Even though I didn't do anything super  bad I just didn't watch my diet too much. I'm still trying to get the little I did do out of my system. The bp has been up a bit - but not "high." And the ankles stay swollen. I'm eating melons to help get rid of the excess fluid I decided to collect. lol So this week I decided to ramp my training back up. I am starting a streak  and plan to run or walk at least a mile each day. Today it will be a walk I am sure. I am feeling so much better and now I must be careful to not overdo it. So I will go forward with great caution. And I'm still winning! Today I seriously e...

I just finished up a 5K and had a blast! I was a little concerned about the heat tonight but it broke right before the race started and there was a breeze so it didn't end up being much of a factor. This is the first race I've done since I stopped taking the blood pressure meds. And you know what? I felt great!!! One thing I wanted to do was listen to my body and I really don't know how it's going to act  until I get on the course. I walked quite a bit and went out slow. Once I got warmed up and crossed the halfway mark - I experimented with pushing it a little. I think this is the first race in the last 18 months since all this actually started that I had absolutely no  issues. No shortness of breath, no chest pains, no dizziness, no chest tightness, no left arm pains.. nothing, nada, zero lingering signs of congestive heart failure. As I was pushing along I thought about my mantra - every step a victory  I kept my mind on it as I thoughtfully felt for each step ...

I hope your screen is big enough to see the faded out 1 - that's an 11:19. That's pretty slow for some of the young pups I know - but for a fat old lady diagnosed with congestive heart failure - it's good to see those double ones out front again. After nearly a year and a half of not feeling good, I'm finally feeling so much better. I'm still off my blood pressure meds and feeling wonderful still. I've been taking it easy but am feeling well enough to push it just a bit. How will I know my new limits if I don't? Three weeks of my meds and actually, my heart rate is still too low some nights to even take it according to the cardiologist. His orders were to not take it unless my pulse was at least 55 but most nights I'm running around 51 or 52. My blood pressure is totally fine too. No spikes! I'm so happy - and being so so good. I don't think I've ever used "happy" and "good" in a sentence in a positive connota...