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Just a Lot of Thinking

So I've been out of the hospital for 2 weeks today and last night I returned to taekwondo. I actually did pretty good and was really disappointed in myself that I wasn't more consistent with training so I could test up with everyone else this weekend. I was actually closer than I thought I was.. but that's beside the point now. Next week will bring a new session and I'm dedicated to keeping up with it and practicing more at home from now on.

Sunday I have my 20th race of this year and my 122nd race ever. I've still got 3 or 4 more races I'd like to do before the year ends; and I'm already planning next year's races and my spring halfs. The metal rack on the left are the metals I've won just this year. I'm pretty happy with that since I started out this year with my CHF diagnosis; which I'm still slightly in denial about...okay a little more than slightly... but I'm working on it, okay?

I have to say that it's been a really rough year and lots of ups and downs. I've had some really rough runs and races and some really good ones too. My trouble seems to be when I start feeling good, I overdo it and then I crash and burn. I'm still working at balancing all that out. I've also found lots of resources to use to help keep me on track, my color chart for example. I want to live in the green!

So I did TKD last night and I am mostly resting (nothing super strenuous, maybe practicing my forms or yoga) for two days. That's hard on me since I feel really good and I have lots of stress! lol - need a run - but will save it until Sunday. It'll be sweeter then....

I'm hoping that adding the extra rest in between harder workouts will help my body adjust and I'll have better runs and races. But now, I have all these emotions leading up to every single race. It's been there all year long. It's an equal amount of anxious anticipation and determination. Part of the determination is to listen to my body and do it right.... and I fear I'll feel bad or have an episode on race day. As you can imagine, my emotions are all over the place! But I'm not ready to give up yet! I'm determined to do it....but to do it right.

I've always been a problem solver - I just need to find the right formula. And I just don't have an "equals giving up" for a solution. For today I'm trying resting... lol... hopefully this drastic change will give me what I need for Sunday's 11K.. if not.. it's gonna be a long, hard, slow run.

every step's a victory

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