Friday, June 26, 2015

Had to Call this One

Tonight I was supposed to run the first 5K of one summer series I wanted to do. Well I had to opt out and to say I'm frustrated is a huge understatement. I had to go with what I felt was the wisest decision - the one that would be more likely to keep me running for a long time to come. It certainly hasn't been easy but at least I'm still vertical and no one's told me not to run.

Here's how it all came down. As you know I've been struggling with running and just kept pushing forward unwilling to accept my diagnosis but trying to make adjustments to allow for it at the same time. Crazy right? Well - this week my charade caught up with me.

I decided to go to the doc and tell her that I was trying to deny I had CHF. Basically, I went in and came clean with her and aired out my frustrations with the cardiologist who didn't call me back. Well, I certainly got busted. But it's going to work out for the best if I'm good. And I plan on being good!

My pulse when I first sat down was 47! The nurse was not happy and took it again. Even though I came clean and told her I was hoping she'd argue with the cardiologist about the diagnosis and tell me that it wasn't that bad (to which she shook her head), she was really not happy about the low pulse. My ankles were swollen too - even though they were WAY down from last week. We argued a little about that but I let her win! lol - She did add that stipulation to my running; if I am retaining water and swollen I can't run.

I told her about the "episode" I had last week where I gained 8 pounds overnight. We discussed it at length and I agreed to call the cardiologist back as part of the new treatment plan, which I did. They were really upset that my pulse was running in the low 50s and upper 40s all the time. I told them it was rarely over 52. Then his nurse went nuts. She said I am not allowed to take my meds if my pulse is not at least 55. Now that's a turn, scary but good I think. So I'm to monitor my blood pressure and pulse for 2 weeks and then get back to them. I promise not to ignore these orders like I did last time.

So I'm two days out and my pulse has yet to be high enough for me to take my meds. My blood pressure is very good, I've lost even more weight and I'm not retaining water. Of course I got lectures from both doc's offices about my diet - which I am adhering too from here on out. (I have to admit I can already tell the difference.) And about keeping my feet up. I can't live in the recliner! I won't live in the recliner!

So my goal is to be so good that I don't have to start taking the meds again. I think I can beat this- but my biggest chore is to be honest with myself and admit I have to deal with a chronic condition. I may hate it - but I can't ignore it. So in light of all this I chose to sit out tonight's race. I just didn't want to take a chance with the medication changes. I will try out the ole treadmill later today and wear my Pear heart monitor so I can see what it is doing and how it reacts without the meds.

I know it's a wise decision but it feels like I'm losing. If I can get off the meds or even reduce them I will be better off. I certainly intend to do all I can. But it starts with admitting I have a condition I must deal with and not ignore. To be honest I'm still fluctuating between I can handle this  and I don't have this. Hopefully I will actually find some resolve soon so I can adjust and move forward.

There is no reason to not continue going forward with every step a victory. But I have to be honest in order to address issues. This is going to turn out good....if I pay attention! I plan on it.


thanks for reading....

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