Sunday, June 14, 2015

Difficult Races Make for the Sweetest Finish Lines

Well all I can say is half marathon #17 is in the books. It was by far the hardest race I've done and it was a fight between my body and my mind most of the way.

The good part about that is that is made this the sweetest half finish line I've ever crossed!

My mind is still trying to sort it all out but I feel like there are some things I did wrong and some things I had no control over. The last two weeks have been super stressful for me and even last night was stressful - just can't get a break on that and I guess I gotta figure out a way to handle life's stuff better. I'll work on that. I haven't slept much and kept waking up every hour last night to see what time it was - lol - I will probably never stop doing that.

On one hand I feel like I didn't train enough between my last two half marathons. I literally had no long runs, I think I did one 8 miler. I've got to figure out how to make the right adjustments so I can train right, smarter and more effectively without overdoing it. I just haven't found that delicate balance..... oh well, about this race.

I started out okay, not great, but okay. About mile 3 I felt okay but I made myself walk some early on thinking it would help me later on. Boy, was I wrong about that. The further I went the worse I felt. By mile 5 I was nauseous, a little dizzy and was having some mild chest pains. I haven't had those in a long time when running. I figured it was because it was hot out. By mile 8 I resigned to walking lots more because I was just totally fatigued. From there on I walked a lot and only pushed it the last couple of miles.

My mind was going nuts on me. My thoughts went something like this: If I overdo it the doc is going to restrict me. But if I push a little bit, I can get done sooner. If I pass out, no one's going to drag me across the finish and that'll mean no medal. Is the medal really worth feeling like this? What if I am just not going to be able to do longer distances anymore, will I be happy with shorter runs? Damn this congestive heart failure stuff... ugh! I think I'm okay - it's not really that bad.  I've never gone this slow. But I'm still moving - every step is a victory! I don't think I can take one more step. It's just not in me to quit - I cannot do it. 

It was truly a battle to finish this one. I really wondered if this would be the one I didn't finish. But that made me mad and would keep me going a little further. Right before I got to the 12 mile marker some total stranger yells out "Every step is a victory!" I looked at her to see if I knew her but I didn't - and I smiled and carried on. Hearing my own mantra helped carry me on to the finish line.

What can I do different going forward? I really am not sure. I vacillate between taking this week off and pushing it harder to "teach my body a lesson!" lol We'll see - if it shuts down on me I guess I'll lose the fight! lol Surely there are some things I can change. I know I can eat better than I have been. I am in control of that. And I'm always the captain of my soul which to me means I am always in charge of my attitude no matter what life throws at me. And the last two weeks it feels like life's been chunking bricks at me!

I guess those are the two things I will concentrate on going forward from here: eating right and getting my attitude right because right now I'm just mad! And then I'll still have to figure out the running side of things as I go. I can only work with what my body gives me to work with...frustrating as that is. I need to find a way to build stamina, endurance and strength without overdoing it....a delicate balance that is. And I've never been accused of being delicate, ha!

#17 done - and every step is a victory still holds true...every stressful, painful step still leads across the finish line.


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  2. Just remember - it's all about the medal... Always. And the banana. Especially the banana. The $75.00 banana. ������

  3. Haha!! Of course the banana and the medal... and sometimes the t-shirt even though I haven't had a good shirt in a while!